Ye King of Spaine Inn - NPC OOC Discussion

Who wrote that treasonous message!! Off with his head!! It was actually wagons full of disease infested flies.

But please feel free to locate and hang this author till his neck separates from his body, then as the flies gather we will know where the Sappos de Francia are at!


General Belvedere

Yeah what Martin said.....Hmmm win, win or lose lose only time will tell. I found out that it was my minister of humanity affairs and he took the liberty to sign my signature and my signet ring to sing this letter; but damn we have some poor hungry countrymen starving to the north. Hopefully the Good King will ensure that it is used for Spaniards.

( on a side note: Hmm where is Cleburne when you need him we could talk all day about this conspiracy.)

So... let me understand this. You're now sending wagon loads of diseased flies to the SPANISH CITIZENS in Valladolid.

Damned if you do, sir, damned if you don't!

No it is food, I was surprised and being sarcastically dry at my counter parts being upset at my generosity to my fellow countrymen at there time of need. The wagons are rolling and I trust you will make sure they are dispersed properly to the people in need.


Please expect more if the starvation continues on.

Viva Spain and her subjects too!

Letter to the Valladolid Bugle:

"And what will your army eat, Sir, I ask? Their shoes?

Oh. Have they none? 'Tis a sad thing.

There is hardly a wagon of spare grain anywhere in the whole land but which are feeding these huge volunteer armies and the invaders. They crawl and brawl like locusts across this fair country.

Given the looting that occurred in Valladolid after the French left the ruins of Cuesta's storehouses, I should think the good citizens of that city now rank as among the most well-fed in the land.

THE LIBERTARIAN"

I'm sure your grain will save the lives of many a spanish frog Sire.   

My Dear General Belvedere,

It is with great interest I have received reports of your efforts to supply the French with grain and other material comforts while sending fly infested supplies to the peasants who stoutly defend our homeland.  Perhaps that fop, Murat, will send you one of his peacock feathered hats in return.  For your efforts, I am returning what is, by now, your thoroughly ripe ham which I hope you will share with your new found paymasters.  Bon apatit.

I am &c, &c,
Generalissimo Joaquín Blake y Joyes

My Dear Generalissimo Joaquin y Joyes,

The supplies I am send are in fact filled with no fly infested bags grains and other daily needs for the our people and our people alone. My statement was a sarcastic remark when one of my counterparts seemed outrages at this move of humanity towards our fellow countrymen. You should recheck those bags before you let them get to far down the road. Please keep the sumptuous piece of ham that I sent as a token of our friendship.

It is of the most utmost importance to keep our countrymen feed during this time of crisis.

What has Pignatelli been doing in Astorga? Reports indicate that the ‘Beast of Valladolid’ briefly left the remnants of his division during Cuesta’s retreat, and paid a visit there, for unexplained reasons.

Maybe Blake can enlighten us?  A few words on this gentleman or, to give him his full name, Joaquín Blake y Joyes.  He is an aristocrat with no time for republicans and liberals.  His career as a commander is so far distinguished by the studied avoidance of any risk of conflict.  Who knows, but perhaps his presence at Valladolid might at least have allowed the rebels to make a fight of it?  

Does poor Cuesta know of Blake’s dalliance with Pignatelli?

My readers will wish to know more of Blake’s appearance and character.  He is heavy-set and of refined even somewhat dandified dress, as befits his origins.  A predeliction for excessive levels of braid is not uncommon among rebel leaders, but Blake lacks the figure to carry it off, being already in late middle age and inclined to corpulence.  Imperious by nature, his temperament is hot, and if crossed he is given to volcanic outbursts, which are a terror to his flunkies.

Unlike many of the rebel ‘generals’ he has some military background, though not of any great distinction.  He is certainly among the most ambitious of the Rebel leaders, and we understand he has already taken the title of ‘Generalissimo’.  One wonders what the other rebels make of that!

Burlington H Grumble
Fashion Correspondent, Paris Monitor

Cher Monsieur Grumble

Methinks with all his ducking and weaving and avoiding proper fights, Señor Blake is aiming for political office après-guerre.

Sincerely,
Karl von Grossentrappen
Gesandtschaft des Herzogs von Saxe-Coburg-Gotha, Paris

Yes you may have a point there, von Grossentrappen

Yours aye

Burlington

To the fine and noble citizens of Spain, serving in Cuesta’s army,

Greetings to you, my beloved people.

We were informed only recently of the horrific loss of life and limb you have suffered fighting against the crown. Our royal entourage can testify that we wept to hear of our own people being ripped apart by civil strife. Rebellion against God’s anointed cannot be tolerated, but the death of any citizen, no matter how rebellious, always grieves a good, God-fearing sovereign.

We have sent five fine French surgeons, experts in the field of medicine, to your noble commander so that they may tend to the wounded for a month, and repair what rebellion has torn. See! We are the king, and yet we invent new ways to serve even the few who seek to hurt the throne. It is not our wish that Spain should bleed! We pray your commander will accept this gift, since he cares most of all for your well-being, as we do.

Likewise, we have offered your commander a ceasefire, for four weeks. This is a temporary measure, so that you may recover your strength and heal from your wounds, which ill-founded rebellion has wrought on you. We pray that your commander, who desires your well-being as much as we do, will at the least accept this measure, and discuss a longer truce or peace with us, once this truce is done. We entreat all of you, as God-fearing Spaniards of good repute, to entreat your commander to accept our peace-loving terms.

For we desire peace in Spain, and will welcome all steps by any man, no matter how rebellious his past, to reduce the bloodshed in this, God’s beloved land. Those who turn from ruining themselves with rebellion are welcomed with open arms, and those who do not are still cared for and prayed for.

May the blessings of God, of the Virgin Mother, and all the saints, who pray for peace, be it ever so short, be with you all, our beloved people.

His Majesty, Josef, King of Spain.

Your Majesty King Josef,

It is with great excitement I read your decree. You have my full support and I await your orders.


May you and your family be in good health and may God give you the wisdom and strength to bring peace to our beloved Spain.

¡Viva España y que Dios bendiga a nuestro pueblo!

Your humble servant,
Conde de Belvedere

To His Majesty King José I;
To the Army Commanders of Mother España;
To the citizens of España,

Greetings,

We wish to advise that recently a very well matured ham arrived from General Blake's personal larder as a gift to General Belvedere and he partook of this at a meal yesterday. He was consequently taken ill and became somewhat deranged, causing a number of army notices and public proclamations to be drafted before anyone in his close circle realised there was anything out of the ordinary going on. For example the good Conde has issued orders before that because of the fine summer weather the army should all march in the nude and use chickens strapped to their heads to ward off sunstroke. Yesterday's army circular acknowledged the recent chicken shortage and accepted rabbits, weasels or stoats as suitable substitutes.

The proclamation in support of His Majesty King Joseph we must advise is hereby wholly and unequivocally retracted as it was issued when the Conde was not in his right mind. We ask the brave Generals of Spain to be understanding during Conde de Belvedere's time of recovery.

Any donations of chickens or other small furry or fluffy creatures are gratefully received.

Doctor Pedro O'Toole
Senior Surgeon and Stoatmaster General
Staff of the Army of Extremadura

Clipping from El Faro Astorgano, mid-July, 1808, afternoon edition.

The inestimable General Pignatelli was seen dining last week with the beloved Generalissimo Blake in a small cafe off the main plaza. Reports from the festive gathering indicate that Pignatelli, the true hero of Valladolid, gave the Generalissimo a detailed accounting of his staunch defense of that city in the face of overwhelming French numbers. His fearless stand on the outskirts of the town gave the rest of Cuesta's badly pressed force time to make their escape north. It has been made known by other witnesses to the battle, that Pignatelli himself, even helped load the sizable corpus of General Cuesta into the olive cart that bore him to safety.

Rumors fly that the Generalissimo has offered Pignatelli military stewardship of Valladolid over a delightful postre and porto. Blake's columns, estimated to be in the neighborhood of 100,000 men have recently marched south sending the occupying snail-eaters fleeing back to Madrid. Our capital correspondents report the stench of fear to be rife in the French ranks. The Generalissimo has offered 6 pesetas for the head of that mincing fool, Murat, the head being of such size as to require only a modest reward. Although it is reported that Murat puts on a brave face, why then, is he seen in the shops along the Calle Lagasca being fitted for women's garments? Perhaps he is planning to attempt an unnoticed exit north across the Pyrenees in the very near future?

Further French Victories!

Over the past 2 days, the brave French soldiers on the Madrid front have roundly trounced the so-called ‘armies’ of both Belvedere and Castanos.

King Joseph’s Royal Guard and elements of Marechel de Moncey’s Corps thrashed Belvedere with heavy loss at Navalcamero, SW of Madrid on the 23rd August.  Other forces under Prince Murat did the same to Castanos’ vaunted Army of Andalucia on the following day at Sesena, a few leagues S of the capital.  The rebels here fled back S of the Tagus on the day of battle, abandoning wounded, stragglers and much of their baggage and equipment in their haste to get away.

I have it on good authority that officers & men of all ranks demonstrated great heroism in both battles.  Why Murat himself, had to be physically restrained by his staff from advancing far ahead of the army, early in the battle of Sesena.  This was wise of them.  His loss could not only have demoralised the army, but would also have caused a crash in the share prices of Parisian haute couturiers.

These latest successes open up an exciting vista for the French and their loyal Spanish compatriots.  The permanent re-conquest of Old Castile beckons, together with the pursuit and destruction of Belvedere, which would open the way to Portugal.  Or perhaps instead the suppression of revolt in Andalucia and the disruption of the impertinent Junta?  A thrust to Valencia, a hotbed of malcontents, also has its attractions.  

I have no time for more at the moment, as I hear they are selling Viva Murat T-shirts on the Camino Rumpole........

Burlington H Grumble

Showbiz Editor, Burgos Herald

Citizens of Toledo! My recent presence here is proof that the Spanish Monarchy has not forgotten you! Be of courageous heart. Your sufferings at the hands of the Godless invaders are not in vain, and the day will come soon when you will be liberated forever to breathe free Spanish air!

In the meantime, you must take advantage of the sudden absence of your impertinent house-guests to settle personal accounts. Look! Though their departure from your streets was quick and made rudely without so much as a fond adieu, they were thoughtful enough to leave a table set for you with the finest delicacies from France. Help yourselves!

I am now on a journey to keep a prior appointment with Messieurs Murat and Joseph. Unfortunately for them, these same two now occupy what has become the largest, self-supporting prison in Spain! Their fear to tread beyond the confines of their tiny enclave at Madrid has reduced them to announcing victories where there is no fighting! This they must do, of course, to keep up some appearance for the people of France and baby Brother Bonaparte, who tire of the exercise.

Be of good cheer, my Toledo brothers and sisters. I am off again to properly attend to the Inmates.

Until we meet again…
¡Viva España y la Monarquía!
Don Francisco Javier Castaños Aragorri Urioste y Olavide, Conde de Castaños y Aragones

Address to the Legislative Body of the French Empire, before Leaving Paris for the Spain


"I have travelled this year more than three thousand miles in the interior of my empire. The spectacle of this great French family—recently distracted by intestine divisions, now united and happy—has profoundly moved me. I have learned that I cannot be happy myself unless I first see that France is happy. A part of my army is marching to meet the troops which England has landed in Spain. It is an especial blessing of that Providence which has constantly protected our army, that passion so blinded the English counsels as to induce them to renounce the possession of the seas, and to exhibit their army on the continent. I depart in a few days to place myself at the head of my troops, and, with the aid of God, to crown in Madrid the King of Spain, and to place our eagles on the fort of Lisbon. The Emperor of Russia and I have met at Erfurt. Our most earnest endeavor has been for peace. We have resolved to make many sacrifices; to confer, if possible, the blessings of maritime commerce upon the hundred millions of men whom we represent. We are of one mind, and we are indissolubly united for peace as for war."

Emperor Napoleon I

I say, Gentlemen, does anyone know of a peacock breeder not too far from here, where I can purchase a fine bird   for my new villa?

Excuse me if I am out of place, I have only recently arrived from Engand. I do hope this is the right place to advertise?

Hookham Frere

His Britannic Majesty's Plenipotentiary in the Peninsula.

Casa Mia, Sintra

Sling your hook, Frere. The Peninsular is no place for the likes of you effete English aristos. Shouldn't you be in the dorm flogging your fag, or something?

With the greatest of respect

A well-wisher

My dear Hookham

Let me offer you a most hearty welcome to the Iberian peninsular.

We already have those d*mnable Frenchies on the run. I have no doubt that we shall shortly complete the job, with the assistance of the two hundred thousand red-blooded British troops, who are no doubt already en-route.

A peacock breeder

"Sevilla
3rd October 1808

Teniente General Joaquín Blake y Joyes,

We wish to inform you that with immediate effect you are promoted to the rank of Capitán-General of Galicia.

[paragraphs deleted]

We wish to inform you furthermore that after long deliberations we have decided to form an Army of the Left which shall be a high-level strategic grouping of armies with which to prosecute the war from [deleted] to [deleted]. The person who shall command this new army is yourself.

The forces comprising the Army of the Left are:

The Army of Galicia
The Army of the Asturias
The Division of the North

We have sent copies of this letter to Generals Acevedo and La Romana advising them of this news. They are instructed to work in support of you to achieve your aims. Please ask them to supply you with details of their forces.

We ask you to formulate a plan of military campaign to [deleted].

We hope and pray for British armies to support us very soon. We have written to them requesting [deleted].

We have heard news that the Corsican Dwarf is at Bayonne with a large army. Your strategy should take account of this new event. Your plans should be contingent of [deleted].

May God smile on our endeavours and deliver Spain from her torment.

Viva España!

We are, and remain, faithfully yours, &c. &c.

Don Pedro de Alcántara Álvarez de Toledo y Salm-Salm, 13° Duque del Infantado, Consejero Militar de la Junta Central."

==================================================================

"Sevilla
4th October 1808

Teniente-General Francisco Xavier Castaños,

We wish to inform you that with immediate effect you are promoted to the rank of Capitán-General of Andalucia.

We wish to inform you that with immediate effect you are awarded the title of Marquez del Aranjuez. We thank you with all our hearts for your work thus far in pushing back the hated enemy and containing his forces in the region around Madrid. Pinning down his soldiers in that area has permitted us to enjoy great and valuable freedoms elsewhere in our land allowing of a good harvest, free trade (now with the English as well!) and fair taxation and labour. Had the French captured more cities in the centre of Spain over the summer our situation would be far more serious. We hope and pray that our mother city of Madrid will soon be free and retaken from the Gallic leeches. Your part in this victory is noted, with our thanks.

We have given due consideration to the fine work of General Cuesta and we are aware of [deleted]. We therefore are pleased to assign the Army of Castilla as a new part of your Army of the Centre:

The Army of Andalucia
The Army of Extremadura
The Army of Castilla

General Cuesta has been sent a copy of this letter. We ask him to work with you towards the greater good of Spain. Be pleased to request from him an order of battle for his forces and a report on his operations to date.

We ask you to formulate a plan of military campaign to work alongside and with General Blake who commands the Army of the Left. The area of operations for the Army of the Centre will now be from [deleted] to [deleted]. From [deleted] to the [deleted] the Army of the Right under the Capitán-General of Valencia, Llamas is responsible for military operations. Our desire is to [deleted].

[paragraphs deleted]

May God smile on our endeavours and deliver Spain from her torment.

Viva España!

We are, and remain, faithfully yours, &c. &c.

Don Pedro de Alcántara Álvarez de Toledo y Salm-Salm, 13° Duque del Infantado, Consejero Militar de la Junta Central."

This is an exciting opportunity to be responsible for the maintenance of prestige premises in a desirable location, including landscaped gardens with aviary. Live in terms. No flogging involved provided service level agreement is maintained. Experience of peacock and duckhouse maintenance an advantage. Applications via HM Diplomatic Staff, Lisbon.

His Britannic Majesty is an equal opportunities employer.

I say Hookham-Frere do you always keep a couple of stand-by sausage rolls tucked behind your ears for emergency campaign rations? You could start a new trend don't ye know.

Sir Michael Portillo-Walrus
Peacock Breeder to the Portuguese Court since yesterday.

..Boccadillos con chorizo, actually, old boy. The peacocks love 'em, don't you know, so one keeps a ready supply behind one's ears. What's this about a war, incidentally?