Club Election Shock. Lord Dowden Abducted by Aliens!

Purple slime found outside Slug & Ferret.

Yesterday evening Lord Dowden was paying a visit to Great Gaddesden, when the outrageous event occurred.

The Chiltern Star interviewed Sid and Ethel Figgis at the crime scene, just outside the public house in Great Gaddesden.  In Sid’s own words.......

“Well me and Ethel had just had a grand night in the Slug & Ferret, and were tucking-in to our usual bag of chips.  We spotted Lord Dowden across the street.  We’d know ‘im anywhere.  He’s a real toff, and very popular in our village.  

Well I just put my hand in to get another chip, and Ethel said I was takin’ more than my share.  Well I wasn’t havin’ that, and we had words.  But when we looked up again, Lord D. was gone!  It can only have been a second.  It’s like he disappeared in a puff of smoke.  What other explanation could there be?”

What indeed?  The timing is certainly suspicious, with Lord Dowden of Macaroon being hot favourite to secure victory in the forthcoming election.  Could the allegations that the current committee are really reptilians from the planet Mwaag actually be true?

All enquiries to the local constabulary have been met with a suspicious no-comment response.  The existing committee has likewise remained tight-lipped.  This sounds like a conspiracy of silence.  How many more eminent citizens will be abducted before something is done?

The Chiltern Star demands answers!

Berle Grimble
Chief Reporter, Chiltern Star

I hope the aliens are asking him some probing questions.

Had you built that wall and made France pay for it, you wouldn't be in such dire straits. On the bright side, with the removal of more lords, dukes, etc. Britain just might become Great again.

I hear Scully and Mulder are looking for work.

Residents of Gaddesden and Readers of the Star alike will be reassured to hear that my friend Lord Dowden has been in contact with me since his ordeal, by means of the amateur astronomical equipment installed at great expense in my gazebo.

After an interesting journey of some light years, he is apparently reasonably comfortable –apart from the purple slime- and being treated tolerably well on Mwaag. He has been subjected to some medical experiments, but is otherwise unharmed.

Mwaag was apparently a powerful planet in its heyday but is now in some decline due to the removal of trade barriers across the Milky Way. This has led to the closure of many of its formerly profitable zirconium mines, and consequent high levels of unemployment amongst its reptilian population, many of whom have emigrated to establish colonies in more prosperous areas of the universe, such as Hertfordshire.

My friend says that his horizons have been greatly broadened by his experience of inter-galactic travel. In consequence he has amended his outlook on various issues somewhat, and will be seeking to return to Gaddesden in the near future, where he will now campaign under the slogan “Lets make the Planet Mwaag great again”.

Given the fertile imaginations of so many of the KS society members I was thinking we might run a PBEM campaign based around the awesomely comical rules "A Very British Civil War". Some of you are living that games core concepts in your daily lives. The geographic centre of events would, of course, have to be Little Gaddesden.