Club Election. A Triumph for Democracy! Swamp Drained!

A Triumph for Democracy!  Swamp Drained!

The 1809 game was over, and the club members collected in hushed and respectful conclave for the AGM.  Young recruits and greybeards alike, united in a common bond.  True, the club has been hit by repeated scandals in the last year, but now was the chance to put things right.  

The Chair called the meeting to order, and handed the floor to the Treasurer.  Members were reassured that his brief report showed a surplus of £35 for the year.

The existing committee then stood down:  Steve ‘Chainsaw’ Hockin (Chair), Sean ‘Baby-face’ Collins (Secretary), and ‘Desperate’ Dave Commerford (Treasurer) slithered descended from the podium and took their seats among members.

Pickled-onion billionaire Lord Dowden of Macaroon had confounded reports of his abduction by attending the AGM.  To all appearances he seemed well, and none the worse for his adventures.  Pickled-onions were disbursed to members in liberal quantities.  To the great surprise of many however, he did not stand for any of the vacant positions.  

Instead, the following replacement committee members were duly elected:  Mr Steven Hockin (Chair), the Honourable Sean Montefiore Collins (Secretary), and David Commerford Esq (Treasurer).  

The results were greeted with acclamation, which rose to a crescendo as the new Club Chair gave a rousing speech, confirming the arrival of the ‘Gaddesden Spring’.  He discounted the wild recent claim that the previous committee were actually reptilian aliens from the planet Mwaag, but accepted that there had been problems.  He stressed that things would be very different under the new committee, and climaxed with the claim “We have drained the swamp”.  

There was no reference to the vexed Great Gaddesden question, but he did announce that club funds are to be used for the foundation of a hi-tech Purple Slime Emporium, giving a much-needed boost to employment in Little Gaddesden.  This last was greeted by loud cheers.  

Due process completed, the assembled throng commenced extended celebrations which lasted far into the night.  During the course of the festivities, the Bridgewater Arms public house was burnt to the ground by well-meaning but over-enthusiastic revellers.

Burlington H Grumble
Chief Political Correspondent, Chiltern Gazette

Terrible. Rigged election. Millions of illegal voters. Candidates wiretapped. So sad.

Does Little Gaddesden have wiring? I mean... don't you need electricity to tap phone lines?

Perhaps Kevin meant either kidnapping the messenger pigeons or adding the wrong kind of leaves to the fires so the smoke signals went wrong.

Well I hear a pitchfork's gone missing at Molly Wainright's cottage.  So strange things are definitely happening in the village.......

A concerned resident

I heard there has been a run on blue woad at the corner shoppe as well.

Yes, nasty business.  They say an American's been seen over in Berkhamsted too.  Goodness me, whatever next?   It's all rather frightening.

Berkhamstead? That explains it. They're a funny lot over there, probably all foreign johnnies. No wonder they allow Americans in. No standards at all. Pish.

At the AGM, Burl Grumble was also voted KING of fake news